Closing the Gap

I have gone through a lot over the past decade. I think that I am honestly at the point of visually seeing the gap between our Gifts, given to us by the Holy Spirit, and opportunities afforded us.

Opportunities, not to take possession of that “Gift” but rather give it to others; as if it were not ours but theirs, vital for their sustenance. Evident in the movement of my spirit to witness.  This place that I now view allows me to begin the process of releasing all of my yeast until unleavened becomes my spirit; witnessed as truth not self-proclaimed. To take and close the gap, to remove all my desires, needs and wants so that only God exists. Jesus Christ working through me in response, in reaction, and engagement to others. Literally being the author of my life. Blotting out, if you will, those characters that read me into a book not worth my reading, disappointing in that the potential of the main character, the autobiography’s author, was never realized. I can actively edit. And as the page turns, the further the temporal importance of those or that which was edited becomes in the development or movement of the main character towards that God-given potential. Loving, truly unconditionally loving, those who do their part in my further development as God chooses. Allowing me, to deepen my relationship with Him, through the intercession of Mary to our Lord Jesus Christ; be that good or bad, loving and giving thanks.

Understanding and accepting that I myself can never do – you see it is far too easy to keep my yeast churning deep inside because, after all, in due time I will rise. But like the air, in that it occupies the negative space within the risen bread, so does that yeast in my spirit, negative, empty and ultimately hollow, serving only to separate the true substance. Opportunity to remove the yeast of myself and live the reality of His promise.

This has been my second true opportunity of free will, a choice to understand the gap and live the lie ignoring its existence. A lie fueled by self-delusion and an internal dialogue creating a reality of non-denial, or to start letting go and Believe. The first opportunity, being clear enough to bring into focus that the perceived enemy was me, my ego and the denial of the simplicity of Truth. That being, He wants me to come home. He wants me to get out of my own way, to let go and let God. Resulting in a true narrative and relationship which feels every strain, just as that of a spouse, a true Bridesmaid and though that opportunity is crystal clear it is no easier achieved.

Time is the stage, the setting, and context of which that choice exists. Boundless directions, boundless choices through which I can choose for Him to author through me specifically, out of love for Him. Seeing clearly the gap of each choice’s distance from union. Understanding the urgency to author a love story, a living chapter in the eternal Gospel.

To become joyous again; I can remember a time when I was truly internally happy, not because of anything or anyone external, rather I myself was happy. My key ring was a lot less heavy. I have no delusions that I alone can remove all the keys I choose, even give the key ring over all together. Replacing in my grasp Him, through the reality of the Eucharist, instituted at the Last Supper, eternally present to us – pure love. Truly desiring that union, His yeast within me rather than that of my own. Truly happy, joyous about that Love afforded me, never being forced to give up anything, Him bearing the estrangement in Loving hope, awaiting the invitation to occupy. Viewing through His eyes an abundant Love, obedient in its sincerity.

Seeing the arena of good and evil in the particular time and context that is being occupied, turning on its axis and viewing the gap and how it increases or decreases dependant on the choice I make. How I alone am not only affected in a vacuum, but as ultimately given, influence the characters in my book and the context of time. By His love I can be reconciled to Him and in Him partake in His eternally present depths of love that hope unites in faithful joy of obedience in free will at ultimately encountering God. Letting each opportunity move me forward in eternal life united with His mystical body.

Eliminating that gap and allowing for His body, His works to be made present. Manifested in the opportunity at present by way of the Gifts, provided to each of us, from the Holy Spirit. That is the footprint of our God-given talent. Unlike those that fade with time or the changing of the seasons, this impression will last into eternity, impacting lives unimagined. This is truly to be an instrument of God. This actualization is not immediate; the gap is not eliminated overnight or in a few weeks or even years.

Through Faith and Patience I must stand as God’s plan for my life is realized. A manifestation rooted in the journey through Faith and Patience. I must be steadfast in my Faith and patient when tried with adversity. Joyfully aware in the present that when my Faith is tried, and inevitably it will be, that it is my consistency through Patience that I grow closer to His will for my life. Not letting the gap widen but rather shrink.

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