To step inside one’s self, turn, and look at yourself.
One sees a plethora of things.
Different, from when one steps outside of one’s self, turns, and looks. You see from deep down inside.
You get to see all of those components that create-
what you view as yourself, from the outside.
An acorn floating in a stream casts a reflection of itself against the glossy surface of the water. As such,
I am aware now, that I am on my own, riding the stream of life.
Making my way as best I can. Keenly aware that the “makings” of those ways is all contingent upon the environment afforded to me from that whom gave life to life.
And I pray daily for a great environment and give thanks for a great environment.
And as in all streams there are bends and turns, high points, low points, rapids and calm places. All through which life,
as well as I, endure. Growing with every experience.
And as I learned to take a step back, I could see the texture and substance, as well as how that texture and substance is reflected.
I began to see and understand how I interact with my environment. And how I reflect differently in calm waters as opposed to rapid waters. And with that knowledge, I gained strength to navigate better when making my ways.
And I can remember swaying in the wind not worrying about how strong it was blowing, whether it was caused by a thunderstorm or a summer evening breeze.
I just enjoyed it. Knowing that the family tree from which I hung was strong, stable, and would endure.
But most of all, I knew love.
Even when the wind blew so hard the tree bent over so far I thought it would bust…The love wouldn’t.
And as the seasons changed, came and went.
I remember, looking at myself amidst the backdrop of the tree from which I fell; continuing to thrive, giving me strength still.
My most vivid images, however, I noticed
came when I learned to turn inward and look at myself.
From a young age to now, I continue to muster up the courage to go deeper and deeper.
In a way fearing what I’ll see and have to incorporate into the new image that will become the me that I know.
But knowing too, that if I do not, I am no more or less than an animal. Human… animal still.
Content within the constraints of a self-imposing, complex, yet all encompassing, single-minded prison that is my consciousness.
Void of the driven-ness in passion,
For a deeper understanding of the temple graced to me and the Agape that gifted it, to me.
For it is for that understanding that I draw my courage.
And as I turn inwards and realize that below the waterline, deeper than my reflection exist the nut of the acorn. And all I had known was the bottom shell, stem turned towards the sky.
You see what’s vivid, when looking outwards, is the ever presence of the tree that gently released me into the stream of life.
It is that construct that I strive to build upon and have become acutely awaken too, now that I am a father.
To create that love, to give that construct, a clear image to my daughter.
For her journey down whatever stream she chooses and is graced with.
To be an image as clear, as sincere, as surreal, as utterly driven from one side to the other, a constant no matter how deep her courage takes her within herself.
Do you feel the driven-ness in passion that drives me ever deeper?
A plethora of things indeed.
And all are stupendously wonderful; each incorporation of consciousness, for it is an evolution in love.
Thank you for being that tree.
For giving me the understanding that from the very roots from which I was birthed, is the strength that endures and maintains my environment, which keeps the soil from eroding, from contaminating the stream stopping the currents that flow in it, that allow for the sustenance that maintains the life that lives in it,
keeping it from eroding until eventually the stream is no more.
That strength is too, in me.
And I will continue to grow, to expand, build and continually strengthen these roots, wherever the stream of life may take me. And when I stand outside, turn, and look at myself,
I know what I am looking at, I know who, what I am and where it is that I come from.
That is eternal, can never be taken from me, beat out of me, or misrepresented to me.
I thank god, dad, that you are the father that I see,
Driven through, from one side to the other,
When I step inside, turn, and look out.